


The One Where Sam Is "Landmine Fine"

by sgtbuckaroobarnes



Series: SamBucky Ficlets [28]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sam, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Winter Falcon, and wants to be sure he's okay, bucky likes to be hlepful, but there is cuddling at the end soooo yeah, caring bucky, sam is having some emotional issues, sambucky - Freeform, sort of, sort of pre-relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 17:18:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10746285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgtbuckaroobarnes/pseuds/sgtbuckaroobarnes
Summary: Sam is very of over stressed, and having some emotional issues. Bucky doesn't know what's going on but he wants to help. And he does, as best he can.





	The One Where Sam Is "Landmine Fine"

**Author's Note:**

> soooo...this came out of some personal shit. Sam is basically going through some shit that i keep going through. and its horrible and i hate it but i don't know how to fix it. so li wrote this to get it out of my head a little. Be gentle with this one, its close to my....brain....and its issues. I hope you enjoy it, even if it was mostly written for personal therapeutic reasons. Love you guys! <3

Sam was tired. He was so fucking tired. He’d slept, but he’d woken up tired. It had been happening like that for almost a week. It was driving him insane. His nerves were on edge, every small annoyance seemed life altering. Noises seemed loud, even when they weren’t, and when they were they seemed to ring through Sam’s whole body, shaking him to the core and making him want to lash out. He’d been in the kitchen making breakfast when he dropped his pan, his eggs falling to the floor with a smack, the pan clanging loudly.

Sam’s shoulder’s tensed so hard they pressed up against his neck. He fought the urge to scream as he bent down and picked up both the egg and the pan. He threw the egg in the trash and the pan in the sink, tensing again at the sharp sound of metal on metal. He leaned forward, his hands pressing hard onto the ledge of the sink, his shoulders hiked up by his neck again as he tried to breathe through the invisible fire he could feel dancing on his skin. He pushed off the sink hard, breathing heavy as he left the kitchen.

He could feel that feeling under his skin again. It was almost a tingle, an itch. He could feel it running down his arms, fogging his head, swelling his tongue and filling his mouth. He almost made it to his room before it spilled over, but he didn’t _quite_ make it. He was three doors away when a strangled scream fought its way out of his throat and he slammed his fist into the wall as hard as he could. He rested his head against the wall and gently pulled his hand out. He let his eyes fall closed as he dropped his hand to his side.

“You okay?” Bucky’s voice asked from his right. Sam jumped a little and turned his head slowly. Bucky was standing in the hall looking at him, his arms at his sides, his fingers barley peeking out of the baggy long sleeve shirt he was wearing. He looked small. Sam was always shocked at how small he looked now, especially when he was wearing layers, and he was always wearing fucking layers. Sam shook his head and looked to Bucky’s face, he looked concern, but like he was trying not to look concerned.

“I’m fine.” Sam grunted around his clenched jaw.  Bucky nodded slowly.

“Okay.” He said, and then paused, he looked at Sam and slowly shoved his hands into his pockets.

“It’s just…” he started, shrugging a little as Sam looked at him.

“I think the wall might disagree.” He finished, his eyes moving to the hole Sam had made. Sam looked to the hole and then back to Bucky.

“I’m fine…now.” Sam said slowly. Bucky’s mouth dropped open a little and he squinted at Sam before he nodded again.

“….Okay.” he said, shrugging a little. They looked at each other for a long time and then Bucky inhaled loudly and coughed.

“You wanna get some food?” he asked, squinting at Sam again. Sam looked at the hole he’d made again and then to Bucky.

“Uuuh…” he drawled, swallowing hard as he looked at Bucky.

“It’s just food man. Don’t hurt yourself thinking about it. Listen to your stomach. Food or no?” Bucky said. Sam could swear he was smiling. He felt that tingling on his skin sink away a little, falling back behind the grumbling in his stomach. He sighed and shrugged.

“Yeah okay.”

Bucky nodded again.

“Cool.” He said and then spun around and headed for the door. Sam followed him slowly, watching Bucky idly as he shrugged on his jacket, adding another layer to his outfit. Bucky noticed Sam watching him and finished pushing his arm through his sleeve slowly.

“I get cold sometimes.” He said slowly, sounding small. Sam nodded at him and pulled on his own jacket. Bucky opened the door and stepped back to let Sam through. They walked for a long time, Bucky leading by just a hair. They stopped when they got to this diner that Sam had never noticed before.

“Has this always been here?” Sam asked as Bucky held the door open for him again.

“Depends on what you mean by always I guess. Was it here in the 40’s? No. Has it been here since I moved into the tower? Yes.” Bucky said, walking to a booth near the back and sitting down. Sam noticed he sat on the side facing the door, it was a habit he had. The morning air had cooled him down a little, his skin didn’t feel as hot anymore, and his head felt a little clearer.

“I recommend the cheese burger. Extra pickles. Fries on the side obviously. And a shake if you’re feeling fancy.” Bucky said, lacing his fingers on the table top as he looked across at Sam. Sam pulled out the menu and looked it over. He got the feeling Bucky was only talking this much to fill the silence. Because Sam hadn’t ever heard him talk this much.

“Shakes are fancy?” Sam asked, looking down at the menu and not really seeing anything that was written there, all the words and pictures blurring together as his eyes refused to focus.

“Yeah sure. Why wouldn’t they be?” Bucky asked, tilting his head a little. Sam snorted and kept pretending to look at the menu. He didn’t know why but he really didn’t want to look at Bucky right now. The waitress came and asked what they wanted to drink. Bucky told her both their orders and she smiled and walked away, Sam’s stomach flipped when he heard Bucky tell her that Sam would have a cherry coke, with only a little cherry syrup. He didn’t know when Bucky had learned his drink preferences and wasn’t about to ask.

“Were they fancy in the 40’s?” Sam asked, smiling a little when Bucky snapped his eyes off the window and back to Sam.

“Huh? Oh, uh, no not really. But we couldn’t really afford them most of the time, not when we got food too anyway, so we only really got them on special occasions.” Bucky said with a shy smiled as he looked down at the table. Sam nodded and opened his mouth to say something but Bucky cut him off.

“So what are you getting?” he asked. Sam shrugged.

“What you said probably.”

“Good choice.” Bucky said, smiling a little again. Sam felt himself smile back, and for the first time in a few days the smile felt real. The waitress came back with their drinks and took their orders. They sat in peaceful silence until their food came, Bucky looking at his fingers and picking at them, Sam watching him. They ate in silence for a few minutes too, until Bucky shattered it with the question Sam had been dreading.

“So what’s going on?” Bucky asked, dipping a fry in his milkshake and then shoving it in his mouth. Sam took a deep breath and shoved a few of his own fries in his mouth. He didn’t answer for a long time. Bucky waited patiently, eating slowly across from Sam, not even looking at him. Like he knew Sam needed time, not pushing him.

“I haven’t been sleeping.” Sam said, his voice low, almost a whisper. Bucky stopped chewing for a moment and then kept going as he looked at Sam slowly. He nodded and Sam opened his mouth and let everything spill out.

“I mean, I have been sleeping, but I wake up and I’m tired. Like I didn’t actually sleep, even though I know I did. And just that is making me feel like I’m going insane. Like, how in movies and shit you see someone put something somewhere, and then it’s not there when they come back, and it happens over and over until they’re a mess. That’s what it feels like. I get sleep but I don’t get rest and it’s infuriating.” Sam pulled his drink towards him and took a sip.

“I’m on edge all the time now. Noise makes it worse. Quiet noises, loud noises, it doesn’t matter. Everything makes this anger inside me flare up. I don’t know where it comes from. I’m not…actually angry. I don’t have anything to be mad about really. It’s just…there. And every small thing makes it worse.” Sam said, shaking his head and eating a few more fries before continuing.

“I can feel it on my skin. It runs down my back sometimes. Feels like that first moment you step under the hot water in the shower, that heat just runs down my back like that and spreads out across my skin, under it, over it, I don’t know which. It just fills my blood and my head and I just feel like screaming. Like I did today.” He said, looking at Bucky finally, briefly, and then taking another drink.

“I feel like I’m about to shatter any second most of the time. Like my cool outer composer is just gonna slip and I’m gonna lose it. I feel like a landmine. Does that make any damn sense?” Sam asked, his throat was tight, his hands shaking against his glass. Bucky nodded, his brow furrowing.

“Like any small amount of pressure is gonna set you off. Like all that shit inside you will just burst out without your consent at the wrong time. Like that?” Bucky asked, his voice quiet. Sam felt a hot tear run down his face. He wiped it away quickly as he felt his chest loosen. Bucky had explained it so damn simply. And the way he was looking at Sam. Sam knew he understood. Knew he felt like that too sometimes. Sam nodded.

“Yeah. Like that.” Sam said, his lip quivering. Bucky nodded.

“Yeah. I hate that feeling.” He said with a small smile. Sam smiled back. They sat quietly again after that. Finishing their food and ordering a few more shakes. Sam cleared his throat and looked at Bucky through his lashes.

“So, do you think you get cold sometimes because of them putting you in cryo? Like…what are they called… like latent memories or feelings or something?” Sam asked, taking a drink of his shake as he watched Bucky.

“Yeah. We’re pretty sure that’s what it is.” Bucky said with a nod.

“We’re?” Sam prompted.

“Oh, uh, me and Dr. Cho. She’s still doing some tests though, just to make sure.” Bucky said, rubbing his finger against the table top nervously.

“Oh, right. Well that’s good I guess. I hope it goes away soon.” Sam said. And he meant it. He’d seen Bucky shivering in his sleep once. He’d been on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest, face contorted in pain, his whole body shaking. He didn’t want him to have to keep going through that.

“So I’m thinking we need a code for you.” Bucky said, Sam blinked at him.

“A code?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. For when you get that feeling. So I know when I can and can’t be an asshole to you.” Bucky said with a smile. Sam laughed and shook his head.

“But seriously. Just so I know. Just so _someone_ knows.” Bucky said, looking at Sam with wide eyes. Sam took a deep breath.

“What kind of code were you thinking?” Sam asked, worrying his straw between his teeth as Bucky looked around the diner, his eyes jumping from this to that and then back to Sam.

“I got it. You can say your ‘landmine fine’.” Bucky said.

“Landmine fine?”

“Yeah. You’re fine on the outside, but if someone touches you, or pushed the wrong button, or makes the wrong noise, you won’t be fine anymore. A slight outside pressure might set you off. Landmine fine.” Bucky said, spreading his hands on the table and inclining his head. Sam thought it over as he watched Bucky suck down the rest of his milkshake, his straw making that obnoxious noise as it tried to get the last dregs from the bottom of his glass.

“I like that.” Sam said, nodding slowly. Bucky looked up at him over his shake.

“Okay then. That’s the code. If you ever need anything, just tell me that and I’ll have your back.” Bucky said, the corner of his mouth moving upwards as he smiled crookedly at Sam. Sam smiled back and then looked at the table.

Bucky paid for Sam’s lunch and then they walked home. Neither of them said anything after they left the diner. They barely said anything to each other for a while. And then about a month later Sam woke up covered in sweat. He took a cold shower but he couldn’t shake that feeling. His skin was itching and he felt like he was going out his mind. He padded down the hall and knocked on Bucky’s door. The door opened slowly a few moments later. Bucky looked at him, his hair a mess from sleep.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, his eyes flitting over Sam’s face and then down to his bare chest and then back up to his face. Bucky cleared his throat and waited for Sam to answer. Sam already felt the feeling leaving, the blush creeping into Bucky’s cheeks had something to do with that he had no doubt.

“I’m fine.” Sam said quietly.

“Fine fine or landmine fine?” Bucky asked, his brow furrowing as worry crept into his features.

“Landmine fine.” Sam said, his voice cracking as tears threatened. Bucky stepped forward immediately, his fingers wrapping gently around Sam’s biceps.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay. Come in here.” Bucky whispered, pulling Sam into his room and closing the door behind them. He crawled back into his bed and motioned for Sam to follow him. Sam crawled in after him and sighed when Bucky curled up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling Sam to his chest.

“I got you.” Bucky whispered, his lips brushing Sam’s shoulder as he comforted him. Sam took a deep breath and let it out again, closing his eyes, tears dripping onto Bucky’s pillow. He felt Bucky’s thumb rubbing gentle circles into the skin of his chest.

Bucky whispered to him again, reassuring him that he was okay. That Bucky was there. That he wasn’t going anywhere. Sam nodded and felt the itch under his skin ebb away, his head going fuzzy with sleep instead of anger as he drifted off in Bucky’s arms.


End file.
